Eventually, Id need the raiser to help me get in and out of bed, but so far, I'm managing to do that myself. It does help that I've a four poster bed, so can hold onto bedposts when needed. At present, I mainly need the raiser to stop me choking to death during the night. After waking up many mornings, with blood on my pillow and a mild panic that someone had got in during the night, hurt me, then politely locked up again, so the place was safe and secure before they left. These bizarre thoughts often pass through my mind but even Arthur Conan Doyle would admit, the reality of my situation/life, is improbable, often even illogical but its real, its my world, my life. Turns out no one is hurting me during the night, other than myself, my own body, my genetics. I'm like a different person at night. I swear, I can pass for twenty something, for a few hours of most days. Yet, fast forward a few hours and I become an old woman, with the body of a failing 90 year old, unable to move, breathe, speak, socialise or interact. A little bit like 'Melisandre' in Game of Thrones, yet without the immense, jewelry (bummer).
So a couple of volunteer, pensionable (yet very sprightly and physically able), gentlemen brought in my new bed raiser. As I had a four poster bed, it was fairly straightforward to fit (you need a base/foot board as well as head). The guys, fit it, tested it, left me the remote and went on their way. I had a brief palpitation, thinking that this is not the kind of heavy equipment, I was used to operating in my bedroom and generally rocking back and forth, sighing 'what has become of my life'? A decade ago, I was swinging from chandeliers, now I can barely get out of bed... weird.
It was prearranged with my BFF, that we'd go to watch '50 Shades' as soon as it was out, in the day (as I cant get out at night) and have lunch and make a bit of a 'day of it'. I used my 'Disabled Cinema Users Card' [https://www.ceacard.co.uk/] to get my 'Carer' in for free and after a lovely lunch, we enjoyed the film, with my mate cracking me up throughout as she covered her face and peered through her fingers at every 'naughty' bit whilst I proudly proclaimed 'I've done that, I've done that, I've done that - wouldn't bother doing that again its rubbish' type commentary and capturing my mates constant facial hysterics continuously on my camera. It was hilarious (and I don't just mean the acting). After I was dropped off at home, I went straight into my bedroom (as I practically live there). I went to draw the curtains to undress (it was around 3.30pm and I was spent). As I passed the far side of my bed, I noticed something on the floor. As I approached, I saw somehow a Cable Tie had found its way onto my carpet, next to my bed. Weird, as it definitely wasn't there when I left, even weirder, I'd just watched '50 Shades of Grey' with all its cable tie content. I was fairly exhausted (as going out, even for a couple of hours does that to me), so my brain was not functioning as quickly as it should. Putting two and two together, I assumed my friend must have let herself in (as she has a key for emergency/caring needs) and left it as a joke. It was very relevant as we'd just watched the film, but she'd given me a right fright! The pure banter points alone, were worth the initial anxiety though. She'd got me, she'd got me good. I hated to admit it but that was hilarious, at my expense but hilarious, I could only wish I had such banter game.
Running with the joke, I took some photos with the cable tie, even hung it off my nose, in order to send to my friend and upload to social media, detailing the hilarity (cos that's what we do these days, right?). However, as I hung the cable tie on my nose, I noticed a rather pungent stale fish smell. I stood there for some time, with this cable tie on my face, just sniffing, trying to work out what the smell was and where it came from. Then it hit me! I rang my mate, hysterical, to confirm my worst fears... she hadn't let herself into my flat, she hadn't left any cable tie as a comical and apt joke, she had no clue what I was talking about and I realised, (the horror, was slow to set in) but I realised the cable tie must had fallen off the new bed raiser while I was out in the cinema and that indeed the 'new' bed raiser was only new to me! It had come from Social Services and therefore clearly had been used many times before, jeez, people had probably died in their bed, on top of this piece of equipment that was now in my bedroom. The smell of musty fish, was exactly that - 'Eau De Old Woman' (not all old women, no disrespect meant but you so, know what I mean) BLEURGH... and it was on my face!
I promptly bleached the whole damn thing, while retching profusely...oh what fun I had! 😂🙈 #50shaesofnogood
No comments:
Post a Comment